I Buy All the T-Shirts

i_make_stuff_up_womens_dark_tshirtI’m doing some late spring cleaning. The kids are gearing up for back-2-school and we’re cleaning closets, pitching outgrown things and sizing up the tally of how-broke-I’ll-be-when-I-replace-all-the-out-grown-things. Then, my brain goes, “If I’m cleaning their  closets, might as well tackle mine, too.” Dumb. Dumb. Terrible idea. I have a million times more clothes than them and I am an idiot. My OCD makes me do these things. How could I LIVE in a home where three of the closets are clean and mine aren’t? (We have 2 walk-ins in our master bedroom, but Hubsy’s is Stepford Husband Perfect). Mine is not. Mine is zomg.

Ten million dresses and one hundred zillion pairs of heels, plus double that in handbags aside….there are T-shirts. So. Many. T-shirts.

It seems I have a T-shirt buying problem. It went undiagnosed until now, but it’s official. I’ve bought them all, folks. And **bonus horror** thanks to the Authoring-Makes-My-A$$-Enorm job hazard, I have some shirts in *multiple* sizes. Are you dying? Because I’m dying.

downloadI’ve always said if I was rich I’d open a T-shirt shop. Heck, in my Patience Price Mysteries series, the heroine’s parents DO have a T-shirt shop. I mostly made that their business so I could come up with silly things to put on their shirts. <– Sad. Sad sign of the troubles. You’d think all this would’ve connected by now but caffeine and sleep deprivation have apparently damaged my brain because I’m staring at the *piles* and *piles* of shirts and thinking… “Where did you all come from? You glorious beasts!” And then I imagine rolling in them and wearing them all at once, stripping off a layer at a time, like maybe on the hour, like a human cuckoo clock all day long — and then it hits me. This isn’t normal. I mean, sure, normal doesn’t fit me most days anyway, but this. This is. Not. Like not at all. Normal.

41bmI9e6qEL._SX342_And what’s worse is I don’t care. I’m a mess. A happy-happy mess with awesome T-shirts.

Maybe one day I’ll open that shop and sell slightly used, heavily loved T-shirts to get new ones.

In the end: My closet isn’t any cleaner, but T-Shirts! so #WINNINGtimthumb

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